Wednesday, April 13, 2011

A tip for the menfolk

I’m not dating anymore but I have dated before. As a young single lady and as a single mom. I feel I might have some useful information for the guys trying to pick up the ladies. I’m not what I would consider a “normal” woman, but at least some of this should be helpful.
If this post seems a little judgmental that is because it is. I’m not one to beat around the bush. Who does that help?
All right helpful tip # 1. It’s ok to check out the butt. It’s flattering. Especially if you are attractive. Don’t be a creeper or nothing. You have to do it right it is a sensitive area. My suggestion is own it. You get caught accept the awkward eye contact (not for anything longer then a second or you are now a creeper). Follow up with maybe a head nod or something to say hey how’s it going? If she snubs you, you just weren’t hot enough. Or she is married/gay if you want to think positive. Let’s face it by the time you are caught how many options do you have. No one is buying the floppy head look around.
If you are married or looking for some not very nice reason then yes try to play it off like you are not looking.
Here is a good example of how not to check out the butt. I couldn’t really figure out how to explain it properly so I created a little cartoon. I will set the scene up for you. I was pumping gas. I leaned over the front seat to get my purse on the floor board on the passenger seat.

Him hiding behind his truck slowly wasn’t because I suck at making movies he just moved very slowly. No one is sexy enough to pull that move off.

Tip #2. At first I thought this was just a I’m crazy thing, but I have asked around and women agree. If the lady is a complete stranger with her kids don’t hit on her. Ever time a guy comes up to me when I’m with my kids I instantly think GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FUCKING PEDIPHILE! Snatch up my kids and high tail it out of there. Even if I didn’t think that who wants to flirt in front of their kids that is just creepy. This suck when I was a single mom and didn’t get out much with out my kids, but better safe then sorry. And for the love of god if I don’t know you don’t talk to my kid it doesn’t make me think oh he is good with kids it makes me think oh he wants to date a kid. God help you if you try to touch them.
If you know them or have any real reason to be talking to them assuming they like you go ahead and hit on them and be nice to their kids.
Tip#3. This is pretty much common sense. Don’t lie. It doesn’t matter if you are just planning on boinkin her once and jetting or you want a real long lasting relationship. If you are getting into a relationship they will figure it out and you will just look and be a giant dick. If you are just looking for a one night (or one quickie in in the back room) stand it is much better to be honest about it. This isn’t the 1950’s there are plenty of women just trolling for booty to. And if they know about it in advanced not only will they respect your honesty, and be more relaxed with out the added pressure of  wondering what this is going to turn into they are way less likely to end up stabbing you in the face or blowing up your truck then someone you had to trick into sleeping with you.
If you’re one of those guys that it makes you feel good to trick a sweet girl into sleeping with you, you are a complete loser get off my planet.
Tip #4. This really isn’t a hint I just wanted to go ahead and squash the myth that girls don’t like nice guys. Some girls do like assholes, but most girls do like nice guys. We just can’t stand fake nice or doormats. Big difference! When you are just being nice to get into our pants we can tell. Confidence good desperation bad. And doormats well if you can’t stand up for yourself how are you going to stand up for us when we need you? That doesn’t mean you should be a dick. Open the doors, tell us we are pretty, you can do all these nice respectful things with out smothering us or being up our ass.
You know what never mind just be yourself because you can’t fake being nice for too long and then the lady is left with the other you. The smelly, I don’t care to impress you or take out the trash anymore you! And that isn’t nice.
A tip to any women reading this don’t break up with a guy for being too nice. For one thing how is that a problem? It is one thing if you just don’t like them but how can someone treat you too good? And secondly everyone fakes it in the beginning trust me if you are with someone long enough you will see them be an asshole.
These hints are probably not going to help you find love, but it will help you be less annoying to women. That is a great start.

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