Tuesday, May 31, 2011

10 Helpful Hints From A Domesticated Goddess

Even though I do a lot of womanual labor I'm going to keep this post mostly about the house work. I have been a house wife for like 99% of my adult like. Most of that time I was blessed with lets just call them difficult children. Loved, but very difficult. I think I have some info that might help out other people.

1. If you want to avoid doing the dishes write a blog post. You don't feel guilty about sitting on your ass because you're being productive.

2. If your bad ass kids keep tearing down the curtains put them up with velcro. They sell it in big long strips. You put the big long strip across the top of the window. I like to sew on little squares of it to the curtain so it makes that bunched look like it is on a rod. You can open it and close it just like normal curtains but when they get tore down it doesn't mess up your wall.

3. Mr clean magic erasers! Do you remember way back when that movie encino man came out? When the cave man defrosted and wreck shop on the house?

Most days that is what my house looks likes. But when I do get around to cleaning my walls it takes all that crap off. It also does a great job on pots and pans. 

4. Swiffer duster. The one that comes with a big stick to put it on. I don't dust as often as I should, but if it wasn't for those things it probably would never happen and I would live in a house that looked like it belonged in a scooby doo cartoon. I forget what a gross person I am till I dust my ceiling fans... Then it's like oh that's right, I'm gross. But it makes it real easy. For some reason I thought the ceiling mirror I have in my living room was awesome till I found it is always filthy. I put that things on and dust everything. I pretend I'm using a magic wand to make the dust disappear, but that is just me you don't have to do that. 

5. The shark steam mop. My mom got me one for Christmas the year before last and this thing rocks my socks. I'm cheap so the fact that you don't have to buy anything for it is great for me. Just put some water in it. Use it. Put it up. No buckets to try to keep your kids from playing in. No chemicals. Plus it makes normal mops look like stupid bitches. It will get up crayon, marker, dried up food, and boogers. Few seconds after you use it the floor is dry and ready to be fucked up again. 

6. You can use dawn dish soap on puppies and kittens too young for flea shampoo. It kills fleas but not your pets. So yay!

7. Keep a dog. I would suggest a large one. My dog will eat anything the kids drop on the floor. Keeps me from having to clean it up. Then when I get the baby out of the high chair I put her down the dog cleans her up to. Bonus her giant tongue mops the floor as she picks up the food. I don't know what I would do with out her. Double bonus she is also a home security device. ADT might make a very load noise but Lola will jump up and eat a robbers face off. That and she is just awesome. She warms my feet. She entertains the kids. She gives me a heads up when my baby needs to be changed. I can tell because all of a sudden Lola will follow her around like my baby has a giant dog tail. Can not speak highly enough about dogs. 

8. Decorative baskets. Not just little ones. Things like toy boxes, ceder chests, wicker baskets. I have way too much crap for my house. Every corner is filled. It really helps that I have a basket in the living room for little toys so when I'm picking up I just trow them there and the kids don't have to drag them out again all the way from their bed room. Ceder chest / entertainment center full of old VHS'. Hides my crap and makes for easy clean up.

9. If you got little boys with bad aim keep bleach wipes in the bathroom. I would leave them right out where god and everyone can see. If you have company and someone sneaks in to use the restroom and your kids have showered the toilet with urine they don't have to hold it. They can just whip it down. Most moms are use enough to dealing with that stuff where this will be a minor annoyance at most. If they are too good to wipe off the pee seat they can just hold it. Plus it reminds you to whip it down and it makes it real easy to do when your busy. 

10. Spray air freshener right into where your air conditioner is sucking up the air. It makes your whole house smell fantastic in like 5 sec.  

Don't worry about it too damn much. I love a clean house. I use to have one. It smelt nice. Looked nice. But I'm not going to make myself miserable over it! TTFN  

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